AWESOMEsauce

So I'll go ahead and admit this... I'm pretty much mental ape-shit for sauces. Most food is just a vehicle for sauce for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the sort of heathen that'll stick tomato sauce on pretty much everything. I truly believe in the right sauce for the job - much the same way my dad has a different spanner for just about any plumbing job. (I made that last bit up. I have no idea what kind of spanners he has. I'm far too busy drinking lattés apparently...) As such, my sauce collection is quite large. And I use pretty much all of them and am more than happy to share what's, why's and how comes of my ever growing collection after the jump!

 Come along now, as we slither our way through the depths of my pantry and the door of the fridge where some absolute gems lurk. I'll try and keep them grouped into what feels logical to me (but will no doubt be nonsensical to others) and describe what they're good for and where you might be lucky enough to find them. Realising that some brands might differ in your neck of the woods, I'll just describe what the sauce is rather than who stuck it in a jar - but in some cases the brand and specific variety are the important thing. If you stick it out 'til the end I might even have something special for ya!

I haven't actually counted them, but there are heaps! About 90% are sauces per se and the rest are other essential cooking/seasoning items.

First up, BBQ sauce. This is the full range of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce available at my local American store (I love that place BTW - Martha's Backyard, Cnr Lunn Ave & Abbots Way, Mt Wellington, if you're in Auckland). This stuff is the ducks-nuts. The original is the epitome of BBQ sauce for me, the two Chipotle ones are smokey yet sweet in their own way and the Sweet n Spicy has that little kick. I thoroughly recommend this stuff.

Another few sauces that are good for BBQ. The KC Masterpiece is a new one I am trying - pretty good so far. And the Septics go "crazy ape bonkers with their drill and sets" for A1 steak sauce! Tangy and different to anything else I've had. The Greggs Hickory is the closest domestic sauce to a proper smokey BBQ I have found so far. And the quintessential HP... oh my old friend. And to think, this lurked in the pantry at home when I was a kid for YEARS. I thought it was some weird crap that only my dad would like... how pissed off was he after the first time I tried it and fell in love straight away - so tangy it'll give you a face like a smacked bum.

Apart from BBQ sauce, chili sauce is my other true love in the condiment world. I can and will put this on almost anything. The key ones here are the Frank's Red Hot (3rd right) and Cholula chipotle (2nd right) - the former is good on EVERYTHING (hence the large bottle - only $7.50!) and the latter has a smokey kick like a Grand Canyon mule...that's smoking a pipe. The big bottle on the right is Sriracha. This is another one the yanks love. If you watch Bobby Flay he regularly gushes about this. It's no big deal really. Oh, that one third from left is pure ground Scotch Bonnets - this stuff'll put hair on the chests of your childrens' children, including the girls. Get some if you dare...just think of the kids.
Missing: Kaitaia Fire - organic, NZ made sauce comparable to Tabasco
Not missing: McIlhenny Tabasco - overrated & over priced there is way better out there (like Frank's)

Dressings. They hate me. Well, my waistline anyways...however my mouth LOVES them. The weird bottle on the right is what we in our house call "Japanese fat baby mayo" (it has a fat baby on the packaging and comes from Japan - as opposed to being made from fat Japanese babies...just for clarification) and is a key ingredient of the infamous Yum Yum sauce found in Japanese steak houses the world over. Second is Ranch - this stuff is mana from heaven, truly. Next, two other mayo's - don't cheap out when getting mayo. Just don't. You know my motto - "buy the best you can afford, you don't always need to buy a lot". And the last one was a real find - 99c on special at my local supermarket, probably the best aioli I have ever had! Don't worry about the difference between mayo and aioli...one is posh, the other is mayo.

A couple of good chutneys and relishes are always good to have in the fridge (the plum one I used last week on Sandwich-zilla) just what ever takes your fancy. At least one mustard is always good to have. I personally like the cheap nasty American rubbish in the yellow bottle - just get what ever you want. Just don't get uppity about it.

Other than the pizza sauce, these aren't strictly sauces as such. But I really rate this brand - sure, Mutti is probably just the italian Heinz or Watties, but it just feels more authentic. Use the Cherry Tomatoes instead of normal tinned ones, you will be amazed at the difference. Cooked slowly with garlic, herbs & spices, a good passata will blow any Dolmio to the weeds.

A good oil is essential in the kitchen. A couple of good ones is even better. Something like a Rice Bran Oil for general cooking - high smoke point, healthy etc. A general purpose EVOO - don't blow too much money on this and be careful of the over-powering flavour when cooking something delicate or subtle in flavour. It also starts to smoke (i.e. burn) at a relatively low heat. And then a nice bottle of decent EVOO - great for salads or dipping bread. I like something really fruity and bright in colour, this Village Press stuff is well priced.

You local Asian supermarket can be an absolute playground for the Expericook! My new local one has stuff I have never even heard of and is so damn cheap ($2.50NZD for that Mirin, so about $0.14cAUD). Some pungent seasame oil will make any asian stir fry taste authentic and can jazz up 2-minute noodles. Oyster and fish sauce are key for most Asian cooking, just don't be tempted to taste them on their own. Mirin is a must-have for Japanese cookery. The one on the left is a bit of an anomaly; Maggi "Seasoning Sauce" is all it is called. I have another sauce called "All purpose sauce"... if you see anything with such a generic sounding name - GET IT - both of these sauces are the perfect mix of what ever the hell is in there to make any dish taste like Yan Can Cook made it himself.

These are all soy sauces. Amazingly they are all VERY different. Sweet Soy or Kecap Manis is the main core of south-east Asian cooking - ABC is the best brand to go for. Dark soy is very salty and will blacken any sauce. "Premium" doesn't just describe the quality, but more the actual type of sauce - a very good all purpose soy. If soy IS the flavour, not just part of the favour get something good like Japanese Kikkoman which is what you'll find at any decent sushi place (i.e. decent enough to not just refill the bottle with cheaper Chinese soy. That pisses me off.)

Good old homemade sauces - my Nan makes the best in world. Much like your Nan probably! In fact, I am pretty sure everyone's Nan, Aunty, neighbour etc makes the best sauces in the world. These are wild varieties such as Pipino & Apple, Curry Tomato and Homemade Worcestershire. Hard to beat for cleanness, pureness and love.

A bit like wine, vinegar comes in almost countless varieties. Without labouring the detail of what is effectively 'off' booze, just think about what it is that you want to do. For Chinese, use Chinese vinegar. Sushi, sushi vinegar. For salad, use balsamic etc. Vinegar costs bugger all - at least you shouldn't spend more than bugger all. Like wine, don't get sucked into buying stuff that is too expensive, save your money for good olive oil! If you spend more'n $4 on asian vinegar and $8 on balsamic, give yourself an upper cut. Send me pictures of you doing so.

Not strictly sauces, but you'll be amazed at the versatility of the above. Honey for shine and stickiness in a stir fry, lime juice for zing and golden syrup for an earthy sweetness that make people guess all night.

The brits. Wooster and Eeeych-Pee. Hard to beat!

Some asian odds & sods. That "All purpose sauce" I was talking about earlier. Teriyaki sauce for the ladies, hoisin for the fellas (*shrug*). An evil little bottle of chili oil - good for adding heat without adding flavour. Most of your regular chili sauces have vinegar in them and can change the flavour too much. That last one is Banana Ketchup... the jury is still out on that one.

Now these, THESE are a couple of my secrets. Left is something called "Liquid Smoke" a drop or two of this in anything will make it taste like you've been slaving over the Weber with a basting brush for hours. Use SPARINGLY for the love of god. And the one on the right is Thai "country sauce" which is consumed along with "sticky rai". Made from salt, soy, fish sauce and a BUTTLOAD of chili this stuff is simply ridiculous. Get some next time you go for a massuman. Actually...if you're getting massuman, this might not be for you. By the way, these two are secret. Be sure and tell noone what you have just read. I better not find this on the internet later...ah crap.

Watties tomato sauce. If you're in NZ you should be using nothing else on the good old sausage-in-bread summer or fundraising staple. If you're anywhere else, sorry. I truly am. It might look like Heinz, it's not. On a side-note, did you know you're not supposed to tap the bottom of a ketchup bottle to get more out? You should stroke the 'shoulder' instead. Pretty much the same goes for interaction with the opposite sex in the workplace...apparently.

My favourites: Maggi Seasoning Sauce, Frank's Red Hot, Cholula chipotle, Sweet Baby Ray's original, Thai country sauce, Nana's Worcestershire, Pickapeppa sauce (just 'sauce' - I forgot to mention this one earlier... the bottle is about half gone - all of which has been drunk directly from the bottle it is that good), Ranch dressing, american style mustard.

Some of my more culinarily challenged friends have mentioned they just don't know where to start in the kitchen. A versatile selection of sauces is a great start. According to me, here are the essentials: ABC Kecap Manis, A good all-purpose soy, Best Foods mayo, all-purpose vinegar (my choice is spirit vinegar - Rachel Ray calls this 'everyday vinegar'. I love her.), middle of the road chili sauce (hotness to your liking), balsamic vinegar, tomato sauce (or ketchup if you must - but NEVER catsup), fish sauce, seasame oil, oyster sauce, honey and mustard. This lot should cost no more than $30 if you shop in the right places and much of it should last you for a year or more.

Thanks for sticking with me on this self-indulgent romp through my shelves - it's a bit like a couple of situations I have come across recently where I have something I am proud of, so I am bloody well going to force that onto others! GRAH! But hey, that's what blogging actually is, right? I promised you something special at the beginning of this diatribe if you stuck with me and so I am going to share this one last thing. The wife's mates were over tonight (hence no MNMM) and one came up with the brilliant suggestion upon seeing my sauces all laid out on the bench - "are you going to make a sauce from all your sauces?"

Well...

Bugger me.

I am NOW!

Just a drip of each, maybe a little more of others where my shaky old hands got the better of me (always wanted to be a surgeon, my patients would looked more Picasso and less Princess with how wobbly the old hamfists are). Even the mayo and other creamy sauces went in there... this really has the potential to be ropey!

Whisked all together in a bowl, I got maybe a tablespoon and a half of a thick brown mixture (everything goes brown if you mix it with enough other things amirite?) I have to say it is pretty damn good. I want to say it is "average" (being the central tendancy that is intended to typify all the sauces), but that would be a lame joke that noone would get and would be quite frankly untrue.

So, I urge you to throw open the cupboard clear some space and fill it with more than manky ketchup and what might be malt vinegar (or might be Cab Sav from Xmas 2002) - get out there and experishop for this stuff. Don't spend a fortune, hit the Asian supermarkets for great deals (often the same stuff you get at the supermarket but 1/3 the price) and don't be afraid to try something new. And then, finally...once you have built your collection such as you can be proud of - MIX IT ALL TOGETHER AND GET IT DOWN YOUR NECK!!! Muahaha!

Righto, time for a swig of Pickapeppa and off to bed.